This was me on my first day back to work after a 12 week maternity leave:
Yeah right…..It actually went more like this:
New motherhood is the great humbler. Nothing knocks you off your “I got my shit together” high horse like a teeny tiny, nocturnal human. To add the cherry on top, Serenity got sick after she got her prevnar vaccine Monday afternoon. So for two days straight, my husband and I were complete zombies. It was as if we had a jumped back in time to early days when she was waking up every hour on the hour. It was horrible! But I digress.
I had not even left my house before tears started to creep up. Serenity was fussy and was crying uncontrollably. Usually I would take my time and let her calm down before proceeding to put her in her car seat. But Monday morning was not the case. We couldn’t be late. I was able to calm her down and once she saw about to burst into tears, she did what every baby does in order to make mommy feel better. Smile. Deep within me, I know that she knew she was being prepared to be taken to a foreign place. One where, Daddy & Mommy would be away for hours.
But you keep pushing through because you have no other choice. We finally made it to the Day Care facility, where there you hear the hustle and bustle of the workers. It was only 8:30 am and already there were at least 10 kids there. I was in awe. I explained to the owner what her mannerisms meant, what she liked and didn’t like where her bottles were and above all to call me should anything come up. Although, she herself did not need me to explain these thing, I felt the need to say them. She picked up Serenity from her car seat and I could tell she was scoping out the area and the new faces. It broke my heart.
I left her there and I immediately called my mom once I was in the car. I cried while talking to her. I knew that this day would come, but I didn’t imagine could be this hard.
My mom provided words of wisdom and solace. She reminded me that this week was short and that she would be in day care for three days only. By the time next week rolled by, it would be less hard on me than it was today. So I pulled up my big girl panties and walked into work that day. Unprepared for what was to come. Would I cry at the mere thought or question about my baby? Would work seem much more difficult than three months ago? Would I have a meltdown? All these thoughts were racing through my head. At any given moment, I would stare at the clock and begin a countdown. Before I knew it, the day was over and I was heading home. I will not lie and say there weren’t moment where I wished I was home with her, but I know that in time, this will become easier. This goes out to all of the working moms before and after me. Stay Strong!
This is what I tell myself:
Take things day-by-day and know you’re doing the best you can.